I sat on a rock, looking out over the ocean and told God that this time was his, that he could say whatever he wanted. He said, "I love you."
I responded with, "Ok, thanks. What else?"
He came back with, "I love you."
Annoyed, I sent back, "I know. Tell me something profound!"
He said, "I love you."
This went on for 4 days.
Eventually I realized that what I was annoyed at was my belief that I wasn't worth loving...
For years I carried with me a lie that I wasn't enough to be loved.
I eventually realized that it is a lie and began to search out the answer that I believed was true, that I was enough.... worth loving. But even spending my time on that left me in the same place. There's been no answer to that question that brought me closer to love.
I'm realizing now that it may be an irrelevant question. Being loved has nothing to do with me, it has to do with the nearness of One who loves. One who loves not because of who I am but because of who He is.
As long as I hold on to the question, "Am I enough?", my hands are full... too full to grab hold of the love God's been offering me the whole time.
Putting down the question left me free to be grateful for how much he loves. But I've discovered that I cannot carry the question and his love at the same time. I must put down one to carry the other.
