The life that I have chosen vs. The life that I want. It is the residing presence of foolishness that makes me believe that those could be different things. If I am to change the life that I have chosen I must give up the things that I want, which have resulted in the life that I have chosen.
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I was recently working with a client who was feeling stuck. He'd come to me because he "didn't know what he wanted to do..." We started with a conversation of, "what if?" "What if what I'm currently doing is actually what I want to do..?"
The getting-unstuck had begun.
The life that I live, the life that I see in front of me is the life that I have chosen. There's no way around that. Granted, it may be a life that I wouldn't have chosen had I been given the pencils to create my own cartoon. However, existing in a reality where I am not the only one living, breathing or wanting something, I have to acknowledge that I am living the life that I want.
I may be working in a job that I hate, but It's because I have chosen not to leave it- the other options may be worse, or my choice may simply be to not experience the fear of unknown.
I may be in a relationship that I'm deeply disappointed in, but if I believe that it is not the relationship that I have chosen and therefore the relationship that I want... I stand to be proven a fool. Rejection may seem to be not worth the risk. Feeling alone may be too painful. Not getting that feeling that "I was able to change him/her!" or "I was finally able to get her to love me!" would be too valuable of a moment to give up.
Am I driving the car that I want? Yes. Why? Because I have chosen not to live in debt; I have chosen to eat rather than spend all my money on a car; I have chosen to not steal. I have the car that I drive because in the process of life I have made choices... and those choices come out of what I want.
If I've been abused, I have a choice in how I respond.
As a Life Coach that has personally experienced the tsunami, the aftermath of the earth quake in Haiti, SARS, 5 terrorist organizations and 2 drug cartels I have seen that it is not a moment of trauma that changes us but rather our interpretation of and/or our response to that moment... Our choice in the moment of the reality of life that defines our future.
Am I angry? It's because I choose to demand something change.
Am I alone? It's because I choose to control my environment.
Here's me (a little overly simplified, but it makes the point)...
I don't have the car of my dreams because I would rather someone give it to me than I earn it. That's what something deep in me has defined as being loved- "to be provided for." I don't go get another job or do the work to earn my dream car because it would require me abandoning the possibility and hope of "being loved", according to what I may believe about love. If I want that car, I will likely need to let go of my want for that opportunity.
This is a reality that can be phenomenally empowering. Not only do I have the power to then enjoy my choices, it also gives me the power to choose something else. But what I have to understand is that to choose something else is to want something else. If I don't first understand what I'm getting out of an addiction, an abusive relationship, a job that I hate or a situation that I constantly complain about I do not yet have the power to see change in my life.
The question I have to begin with is, "What I'm I getting out of the place that I'm stuck in?"
