It's not what I do for, but what I'm willing to receive from God...

In my life as a believer, my maturity is measured not by what I do for God, but what I'm willing to receive from him.

There are so many good things that I do, and might even do well, that have begun to corrupt my heart. The problem isn't in what I'm doing but that I began looking to what I'm doing to give me my sense of value or significance. The more I do this, the more I think that my value is found in my doing those things and inevitably that outside of those things I'm not valuable.

I've been realizing recently how much I celebrate the version of me that I think is more valuable, lovable and worthy of attention. In the process of longing to become that version I've revoked the invitation for the imperfect version to be celebrated and even at times the right exist.

The big problem is that in ministry, relationships and life I brought with me the man of accomplishment and achievement... the man that I created. I had decided that the man outside of those things wasn't worth seeing and wasn't worth loving. I'd decided that the man God created just wasn't quite enough.

So in the midst of doing, my heart was withering.

I've had moments over the past month when people in my life have demanded the imperfect version of me to come out. I was amazed at what happened in those moments. Some of the moments were met with acceptance from people and others with rejection. But that wasn't what was amazing. It was God's response that amazed me. As soon as I brought the "imperfect' version into the light he began to heal things, restore things and bring parts of my heart to life.

He really was serious when he said to know Him we must be born again. Because being born again seems to simply be to trust him with the truth of who we are and watch him bring whom he created to life. When I brought Him the version of myself that I'd decided wasn't enough and discovered that that version was fully loved, my sense of significance found a new well to draw from.

In the moments when I receive my sense of value and significance from the one that "knows me best and loves me most" I become born again, free to live, free to breathe... free to let the seed become a tree.