Lesson 2: Insecurity is contagious, but so is freedom.

After asking 10 people I deeply respect what they've seen in me that most people wouldn't be willing to tell me, there was one lesson in particular that I could not ignore.

A good friend told me that he sometimes feels that he hasn't done enough with his life when he's around me. It hit me like a bolt of lightning that the moments he was referring to were ones when I was feeling insecure and I'd turned to my experiences to feel better... All I did was pass my insecurity on to him. 

When our behavior is driven by our insecurity, all we do is pass it on- Friend to friend, parent to child, husband to wife, speaker to audience, Christian to neighbor...

I couldn't ignore that I do this in relationships. Nor could I miss who was doing that to me even in these conversations. It was interesting to watch those who enjoyed being "superior" to me in this process, pointing out my wrongs seemingly just to put me in my place. 

There was a moment when time seemed to slow down. One of my mentors was cutting into me pretty good and I noticed the shadow of insecurity approaching. Suddenly I remembered something a friend had said a while back, "maybe it's ok to feel insecure..." It left me in this interesting place where I felt insecure, but didn't judge myself for feeling it. In this moment that was free from being driven by my insecurity (actually my judgement of insecurity) I looked up,  seeing the insecurity of the one who was criticizing me. 

I instantly realized the truth of what my friend had brought to me. Earlier I'd been on the side of passing it on but in that moment I was on the other side, just about to receive it. But chose not to. The choice wasn't to refuse to listen, it was to refuse to judge the other's insecurity. It was interesting. The choice to judge insecurity was one choice. I could not choose to judge theirs and not mine- In one choice both were decided.

As a leader... maybe just as a man, I need to chose to not judge insecurity, mine or others'. Else I will be driven by my own and a victim of another's. In doing so I will find myself busy trying to feel better by criticizing others and judging who they've been. Rather, I can choose to know that insecurity is part of life, put it aside and be driven by my hope for the future that I'm willing to invest in.

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When I am driven by: 

- Insecurity, I will pass it on.

- Awareness of the future and ability to contribute to it, I put down judgement of my own insecurity and so free from using theirs against them.