In Gen 43, Joseph has his brothers in a rough spot. Their father tries to get his boys out of it by offering Joseph a gift. They brought him balm, resin and oil... The same things that the traders he was sold to as a child were carrying (Gen 37). They brought with them the smell that would likely trigger his trauma (smell is one of the strongest triggers of memory). God seems to have brought his pain and anger to the surface as he is presenting a moment to choose forgiveness and reconciliation... While it likely would have made it more difficult it may also have conditioned his heart for the deepest, most complete healing.
Are the hard moments that just seem to happen over and over actually beautiful moments for our deepest healing..? If so, it's a moment to choose his ways over ours, not in an understanding of what will come but in a wonder to experience the kingdom of God in our most vulnerable condition.
The place I need to recognize this is in my patterns in community. I tend to carry a belief that I'm not really worth spending time with. When that insecurity comes up, I often respond with, "Fine, just watch what I can do on my own!" So now, whenever that person flakes on the meeting, forgets to call back or seems to never reach out I am left with a moment that can either return me to my patterns of protecting myself or I can step into a moment of healing with direct access, through the reoccurring emotions, to the root of the lie. Only there can the truth be given it's rightful place and the pattern transformed.
The reoccurring offense or pain may not be the torturous way of the world but rather an opportunity to my greatest freedom. In that place I may discover what I'm actually capable of in creating community.
Note: I do not believe that God causes painful things to re-occur for our growth. However, I firmly believe that he is faithfully with us as we live out our patterns so that we can step into healing, freedom and strength while experiencing hurtful moments.
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